Break Free

As I stand over your bloody corpse,

I know something within myself died.

But my swollen eyes show no remorse

They have for too many nights sobbed & cried.

I embraced you with your dreams,

While you crushed mine under the burden of your love.

No one heard my silent screams,

But the broken smile and my pale skin from above.

I had given my best,

But you failed me at my worst.

I thought I was blessed with a gold crest,

But in disguise I was cursed.

Cursed.. with an innate ability to love

And not let go..

But tonight I have murdered my love..

My undying love for a man,

A Man who trampled me so low.

Now I know that I have let go..

As I stand over your bloody corpse.

A void is formed by the death of my undying love,

for better or for worse..

I shall bury it deep under my garden,

And plant new seedlings on it.

Now only the earth shall bear my love’s burden,

While I go seeking another piece of shit.

And this, my darling me,

Is the fate of my cursed love.

Tonight I break free..

With it murdered and buried, while I walk above.

For my friends.. I wish them a lifetime heartbreak resistance :D Together we shall rejoice forfeiting our sorrows, instead of grueling in self loath. :)

Birthdays - Now n Then

A long long time ago when I was still in school, I used to have rip-roaring, dramatic and extremely nifty birthdays. Not that I don’t have good and gratifying birthdays now, but somehow they are less remarkable. Then our entire existence whirled around birthdays. My birthday, birthdays of friends, birthdays of friends of friends and so on.  Somehow birthdays were much more preeminent matters then. These days they are more like rerun-of-the-mill days when few people chirp in to wish you a good year ahead or a few grabby mates badger you deliriously for a party.

So back in school days, the approach of a birthday demanded ‘the victim’ to show unmitigated oblivion to the covert affairs going on and being planned all around. People who couldn’t finish their daily essentials without talking to you start keeping secrets from you and look for excuses to prevent hanging out with you too much. Everyone prefers to go shopping alone. Ouchh… that hurts,, well not really coz ‘the victim’ knows that its all actually part of a plot, of which everyone other than you is a part. They are all occupied in planning a splendid birthday. ‘The victim’ tries again and again to grab a sneak peak of all the special plans. But alas.. they are just too good. So thanks to the planning committee (almost) everything stays undercover until the final moment. And when the day comes, no matter how much you think you know these people , they never fail to surprise you.

But things are totally different when you are one of ‘the executioners’ and one of your better friends is turning older. Planning begins weeks earlier, but still the last few days pass in a hustle bustle. The most mind-wrecking part is coming up with ways and excuses to evade ‘the victim’. Then there are the more affable chunks like selecting the cake and presents. Every detail had to be planned perfectly. All in all it used to be an adventure in itself. There are so many anecdotes, so many stories which bring a smile to my face.

In-ter-View Stress !!!

“Not-an Rust” – my office – yippee,.yeah I got a job.  My Design-ation =  FuNNeD An-a-LeasT (keep havin’ FuNN )

Once upon a time,…

15^th Dec’ o9 –   tension building up..’m yet to be pLaced… but @LL pLannin’s done for KeraLa trip with ma family. I wanted to be employed before I Go.

16^th Dec’o9 – Got a mail about prospective hirers .. BYE-BYE Group & “Not-an Rust” ;)  

..diLemma arises ^th Dec’o9 .>  OMG !!

 BYE-BYE group : is the largest private corporate group in India and has been recognized as one of the most respected companies in the world. à tough competition ..

“Not-an Rust” – Not much of an idea !! But heard one of the best Fine-an-SeaL Come-pay-nice .  à Decided- ‘ll go here J

Preparation;

Went thru my’ Fin-an-ce  No-how’ folder.. gathered some journaLs, magazines., petrified after getting  to know , the tough selection process a.k.a  easy elimination process. Slept @ 3.

            Confidence level – 80% .

17^th Dec’o9 –  Prayed to God. Got good wishes from my friends & family. Surged ahead with Ten more people a.k.a ‘ completion’ from my college set off to Probable Destination

            Confidence level – 70% .

..Reach Office,- apprehensive  to see Ten more a.k.a ‘completion enhanced’ !!

            Confidence level – 60% .

             1^st round – our smartness retained us in the room ( 10 people     eliminated a.k.a competition reduced :P )

                   Confidence level – 60% .

Oh ya the resuLts – I got thruuuu :D … the first round .. 2 more people were with me.

                   Confidence level – 70% .

           2^nd round – I call it as mini-HR round .

-had conversation with HR about my keraLa trip .. seriously .. I’d that !!

                   Confidence level – 70% .

           3^rd round – Aptitude Round.

                  Confidence level – 100% .

resulT – cleared. - @LL about ryt attitude baby !!

            Confidence level – 85% .

         4^th round – HR Interview by V.P ( gottu know he’s the V.P – HR  later on ) – was fun.. I used my smartness ;)

                 Confidence level – 90% .

Ufff ….. we cleared @LL rounds.. wait the HR said  come tomorrow for FinaL .. but I ‘ve my flight @ 16:00 hrs.  

I said,’I told ya, I gottu go to keraLa’

HR,’oh-ya, I ‘ll process your interview first..dun worry’ J

18^th Dec’o9 –  my roomie said, “phaad k aa jana” reply - , “ kahin meri na phat jaye ”

In my mind – it would be so embarrassing if I get out in the FinaL round !!

Reach Office-call HR – HR takes me to Martin ( Divisional.Mngr. )

  Confidence level – 75% .

          5th round – 

Duration -> 15 mins. Inter-view -> good one, I got lucky-he asked me something I knew :P .. & I shooted all of penalty allotted to me J

                Confidence level – 90% .

20 minutes later – HR comes – You’re selected. !! I say – Thanks !! No expression !! WTF !!

16:30 hrs – I fLy to God’s own Country.

Note : Names have been changed keepin' the styLe in mind !! No dis-respect intended.

ScrapBooks

Dainty little books with jazzy kaleidoscopic pages, which speak volumes, but at the same time mask so much more. Scrapbooks have been a momentous and imperative part of life for every teenager. Each one has a theme to it, an elegant pink with little hearts for the more effeminate ones or a more subtle red and black combo. It reflects very well the ethos and temperament of its ‘master’, a sports car admirer or a cricket zealot, a hopeless romantic or a Titanic connoisseur. Vivid colours and classy styles are overwhelming. The scrapbooks are graced with remarks from friends, cohorts, associates, cousins, secret paramours or whoever has earned the honour to be featured on those pages.

Just like others, I have been there too. Filling in scrapbooks and getting them filled was a ritual, especially towards the end of school. For some it was an assortment of memories, for some it was mere convention. Some used it as an excuse to unleash their hidden penchants while others to haul attention. To me they were invaluable assets which comprehended numerous precious little secrets. Secrets about friends and foes, secrets about furtive passions and credulous envy, secrets that could change everything in our young lives. Laden with cryptic codes, symbols and initials, the scrapbooks could be a baleful ordnance in the hands of an adversary. Moreover they were embellished with love & affection and adorned with our feelings for each other. Scrapbooks were right there next to ‘the dear diary’. They were concealed far away and beyond the bounds of parents, teachers or anyone out of the realm. It was our turf where no intruders could tread.

Years later, scrapbooks from school lie dusty and arenose in an ornate box in a closet. Parents constantly badger and nag us to abjure the ‘junk’ collection, in order to make more room. Deep down we are cognizant of the fact that these scrapbooks are sheer fragments of paper. But we never have the heart to budge them from their amiable spot. When old friends get together and unfasten the rusty chest of memories, these bits of paper, interlaced with strings of affection, emanate. Opening them brings up several anecdotes from the past. It is like reliving the antiquity. Flipping through those pages is like turning through the old chapters of the book of our lives… golden times when we were young and puerile. Smiles and tears, mocks and quarrels, everything is bundled up in those bits of paper. Eyes sparkle with a glint and faces gleam with smiles. The giggles are incessant. Abysmal joy captivates our heart.

The scrapbooks lead us down a memory lane which we rarely tread upon. Our diligent everyday lives fail to grant us an instant to cherish our golden memories. The old scrapbooks that we stumble upon in our drawers or closets are a school of vintage recollections from our past. They lead us on a journey, the path to which has been long forsaken.

Till Death Do Us Part

Soulmates … people across this world irrespective of their color, gender, nationality and race instinctively seek for their soulmate as if we are inherently imprinted to do so. In war, in peace , in countries large and small, in sweltering heat and freezing cold, in tempests and tranquil , consciously or subconsciously we look for that individual who will offer us a sense of belonging, the gift of unconditional love and unwavering trust. We look far and wide, sans borders and religions and when at long last they are discovered we are willing to defy the whole world for them.

But who is a soulmate? Why do we assume that it has to be a spouse? Sometimes when we are diligently searching for this one person to render us whole, we so often overlook that someone, who was our shadow in light, a guardian angel in times dark, a port in the storm, sanctuary in the rain, and a warm hand on the shoulder. We are so engaged in staring ahead that we never bother to glance back and appreciate the constant presence defending our back.

Why are our visions ensnared in chains and our capacity to love so constricted? A soulmate isn’t indispensably a husband or a wife, a lover or a partner. He/she can be a friend, a parent, a child, a God or even a pet. Why not? After all, “there are more things in heaven and earth than one has dreamt of….”

Perhaps that’s why I believe to be genuinely blessed in not only having you in my life but also to be able to humbly accept that our souls are attuned to each other. You and I, I and you have been linked before even we were able to spell friendship. Maybe that’s why it has been so untarnished by the ravages of time. Our bond has been so pure yet so devilish, so innocent yet so impish, so simple and yet so deeply intricate. I have heard this sacred vow countless times and you were the first person that had made me comprehend its cosmic connotation. A few simple words casually stringed together but have unfathomable significance.

“To have and to hold from this day forward

For better, for worse; for richer for poorer

In sickness and in health; to love and to cherish

Till death do us part”

What is our friendship if not a solemn pledge to sustain each other in good times and bad? It is inconsequential whether we are rich or poor. We are each other’s balm in sickness and together we shall rejoice in our health. Isn’t it an oath to love and respect each other when our opinions diverge and treasure our converged thoughts? Isn’t it the patience to entertain our individual idiosyncrasies, soothe the insecurities and shouting encouragement even at the gates of impossibilities? If this isn’t what soul mates share then I do not breathe, the earth is not round and we are not friends.

We laugh; we cry,

Together we saw time walk by and by.

A few smiles …a few tears,

We touched eternity in these years 

Shinning sunrises & shimmering sunsets

lots of whispers, giggles and daring bets.

Cheating in exams & strolls in the playground,

naughty comments and crushes all around.

Dancing shamlessly in the rain,

pledging to be there in joy and in pain

From a child to a girl to a woman,

together we were on every road, each turn.

I'll be there and i know you will be too,

thats why we are soulmates true..

           

 P.S: ... In ancient cherooke tradition they do not say I love you because love is too dynamic and at times too vengeful and selfish... they say what I am saying now...

"you walk on my soul"

One, Two & Three

One was the luscious and delectable apple of everyone’s eye. Seemingly pompous with a snobbish tinge, but the imperious frontier encompassed an amiable and benevolent heart. A clandestine side to her temperament which was completely contradictory and well beyond the reach of the populace. The other one was a hoydenish romp that everyone dreaded. She was canny and capricious. Her fun-edged wit could slaughter anyone. And the third one was me.

We met when we were 9. It wasn’t the perfect convivial bonding at the first encounter, but it evolved over time to take a very awesome and exalted shape. Too many details are not retained as most of the memories from that time are quite foggy. In a year or so we were buddies and in a few more we were inseverable. We treaded together into the lanes of adolescence. So many fond memories adorn those times. The countless hours spent on phone even after spending the entire day together, the gossips and giggles, the risks to save each other’s ass, the hours of brainstorming in the pursuit to unravel the mysteries of life and so many such moments are priceless. This was the era before cell phones and texting, internet and chats were an essential part of every teenager’s daily life.

After those years of school our ways parted on several occasions, but we are still united. United in wax and wane, in joy and sorrow, in relief and pain, in victory and loss, in virtue and vice. We met less often but there were still moments of bliss that we spent in each other’s company. Bunking classes, movies and junk food united us :D. Although then placed in three different nooks of the city, we did not skip a single opportunity to fish out a meeting. The nice weather, a rainy day, release of a new movie or even the lamest thing on this planet like Valentine’s Day, everything around us seemed like an excuse to get together and celebrate. Then there was the advent of even worse times, we were spread across the country with me in a different continent altogether. Many things have changed but in so many years, many things are still the same. The city, the landscape and the people around us might have altered, the year and month on the calendar might have proliferated, the paths of our lives might have veered, but perpetual and incessant is what we have for each other.  

With the course of time, the eye candy flourished into what can be best defined as, Attitude personalized. So intimidating yet so enigmatic, so dainty yet so headstrong, so prudent yet so whimsical. However she has not lost the hint of vanity. A character embellished with fine lineaments. The canny romp still haunts the world with her piquant and sharp wit. But she has mellowed into an ingenious and impulsive B-schooler. She blends so well into any milieu and has an aura which radiates natural charm, a charm that causes instant attraction. She is the brains behind most of our endeavours. She is the practical and sensible wing complimenting the starry eyed duo of this clique.  

Through these years we have stood by each other through tough times, heartbreaks, times of crisis, delusions and blunders. We have been partners in crime, consorts in treason and allies in charity. With each step we are assured that if we screw-up and create a mess then there is someone abaft to scour and purge it all. These days we seldom talk and hardly get to see each other.. grown up business.. too preoccupied with managing our diligent and chaotic lives. Therefore there is not much time to rekindle the old friendship, but I know it requires none. We might be separated in time and space but we still connect at some abstract level.

So today, after so many glorious Friendship Days that we spent together, I chose this very day to ruminate. This reminiscence is an excuse to cherish the fond memories I share with my friends, to apologize if I have ever been the reason for their fury or chagrin, to warn them that I shall cling onto them no matter what and finally to thank my friends for being my friends!